word to the 'burbs v5.0 

 

 

 
 
 
 

 

     Alright... I know y'all are mad at me. My laptop (I think?) is still broken, so I haven't been on it much, and not going on the computer that I update from seems to have a positive correlation with not updating. Anyways, I wrote a new artist statement on my functional computer, so I have that for you. It works on its own, but I decided I need an artist statement that is presented in installments. It would be simply nonrepresentational to have just one, boring piece about myself, so this is going to be the first of many.

     So what has Julianna Schley been up to, you ask? Besides writing artist statements and saying no to pants (haven't worn them in days), I don't have that much going on. Well, I shouldn't say that. I am working on a screenplay (if I can really call it that) for an avant-garde film that I plan on making this Fall. It started out as a narrative feature length, and then I realized that I just am completely unprepared for such an undertaking. Or it just gradually kept getting whittled down to something I could achieve in the next year because what's the point of having a 90+ page script without any bank or experience? And outside of that, I've just been working and relaxing. Well, until next time... hopefully not long from now. 

                         Forever yours, J.

What's New (7/11/07)

Another new artist statement! Check "about me" or "artwork."

Older News

 New artist statement.

 Added a Film/Video section under the "artwork" section!

 Changed the "about me" section up a bit. Added an intensive biography.

 New scripts.

 New artwork up.

 New reviews.

What to Expect (6/19/07)

 New reviews.

 An interactive, choose-your-own adventure game.

 
 
 

Bicycling in Boston (written 6/7/07)

Can't we all just get along?

   I don't understand motorists in Boston, and I've done my fair share of driving, parking, and crying because my car has been towed in Boston, so it's not a matter of perspective. People in cars don't seem to understand that they have what I call a "killing advantage" over people in bikes. The main difference between bikes and cars, and what I believe to be the secret behind their so-called "killing advantage," is the fact that a car is surrounded by metal, while a bike is surrounded by the much weaker element, air*. This simple factoid puts cars in a different league than bikes, so bicyclists and motorists are not exactly on the same playing field. Maybe someone should gently remind motorists just how very fragile their pedaling friends are when they speed past them, barely inches away, managing to cut us off so they can get to the next red light faster. Yes. This is Boston. You know the next light you hit is going to be red.

   Yet it doesn't seem as though any heed is paid towards bikes. Although smaller, bikes still do exist. When you decide to switch lanes suddenly, then you should count bikes as oncoming traffic, and not plow into them. The same rule applies to parked cars. You should check for oncoming traffic (and once again, last time I checked, bikes are such) when you are parked on the side of a street because it is painful to have a door swung open in your face. Once again: air versus metal. Oh man, now I really want to play Mega Man II.

    But the plot thickens as another villain is introduced: the common pedestrian. Pedestrians, unlike cars, are at a disadvantage when compared to bikes. Bikes are faster, stronger, and have wheels. Before a pedestrian crosses a street, he will generally move his simple, Red Sox bedecked head to check for traffic. Sometimes a bike speeding in his direction will not register as traffic, and he will walk out anyways, endangering both himself and the biker. It seems like natural selection would have had their names at this point. I mean, they must see that we're there. Don't they realize that a bicycle, although smaller than a car, is still a moving mass that can hit them? Do they regard us as some sort of gaseous entity through which to be walked? When we smash into you, do you not bleed? Of course you do, you bleed profusely.

   So these reasons, along with the following: shitty roads, absence of bike lanes, taxis in bike lanes in the rare instance that there is a bike lane, I give bicycling around here a 7 . Because I'm a masochist and still love it anyways, and I guess I need to leave some room below for the worse things in life. Like geese. I fucking hate geese.

*Element in the "Captain Planet" notion of element, not the periodic tables notion.

 
 
 
 
 

(c) Julianna Schley.

See any typos, mistakes, even continuity errors? Please, fill out this form! Make sure to press "confirm" or I'll never know how wrong I am.

And yes, I already know that Augustus is not Greek.